I’m sorry if this is a long winded post, it would be helpful if everyone knew my situation in detail to give me appropriate advice.
For reference, I’m a very ambitious person.
I’ve always done okay in school with minimal effort. (10 As at GCSE) Initially, I’ve had always wanted to become a psychologist. To be honest, this was always an innate thing. I dont’ remember when this ‘dream’ began - that career has just constantly been an option. When I was younger (aged 8-16) I knew that I was going to do a psychology degree.
Well, a week before I turned 17 (about a month into year 12), I was diagnosed with a chronic eye condition called corneal neuralgia. Quite rare. I basically have eye pain in my eyes that comes and goes. (stabbing in the cornea, aches and dryness etc.) These symptoms arrived overnight. As you can imagine, I was extremely depressed and hopeless. I did at one point attempt to take my own life. I was homebound for 3 months. Came back to college, was failing everything etc etc…
My brother died a month before AS exams. (Sudden death, no known health conditions at the time, only 28 and we were extremely close)
I retook Year 12 as I was sort of mananging my eye condition. I became interested in biology (I do bio, psych and business A levels) and was set on becoming an optometrist bc of wanting to help people with my condition. I was getting better.
In my AS year 12 exams, I got As in every single exam, including full UMS in biology and psychology. (basically 100%)
(the reason why I got such high marks is because I was revising A LOT, it was a coping mecahnism for grief, everytime my brain would think about my brother, I picked up a textbook. I would also have to revise with one eye at a time, my eyes have a battery life lol)
However, my eye disease got worse starting from November 2023. It’s way more hard to manage and studying gives me more eye pain. I had flare ups where I couldn’t open my eyes bc it would hurt so bad. I was suicidal again and very not life my self essentially.
I made the difficult decision to cancel my university offers for Optometry + withdrew my uni application as I wouldn’t be able to do the actual job of looking at people’s eyes etc because I can’t keep my eyes open for long due to eye pain. I don’t want a job where I’m straining my eyes. I don’t want to study a 4 year degree in which I may not be able to use.
I’m going on a gap year when I finish A levels and planning on applying for a psychology degree, ideally I want to go to Bath but I’m not sure if I will do well in my final A level exams. I’m just really worried to be honest, about a lot of things.
1. People say psychology degrees are useless, but I’m commited to becoming a psychologist or CBT therapist.
2. Sometimes I doubt if becoming a therapist is for me. The death of my brother is really sinking in now, it’s almost been 2 years since he died. I’m 19 and still feel like that scared 17 year old girl. What if I’m just not built to work in mental health?
3. What I liked about optometry is that it is a set career path where you are guaranteed a job, psychology not so much. But that’s also why I should just do psychology because I don’t know what’s happening with my eye disease. I could get worse. I could get better. I may not be able to use my eyes properly in the future, hence why becoming a psychologist makes sense bc I can work around my condition. I can’t do this with optometry.
4. Optometry felt like a perfect job for me I guess, because it has decent pay and I’m interested in eye stuff. Conversely, I know that being a psychologist would be more rewarding and give my life meaning. It would allow me to not define myself via my eye disease.
5. I need to go to a good university for psych. I’m worried that I won’t do well in my final exams. I have been getting As and Bs in assessments this year but I’ve never felt so depressed. I’ve been in a lot of phyiscal and emotional pain so it probably will affect my final grades.
I regret withdrawing my optometry application sometimes, but deep down I know it’s for the best. I just feel like a complete failure and that my life will amount to nothing. I want to be happy and have a job I like that can accomodate my condition.
I don’t really know what I’m asking anymore. I just needed to vent lol, since my brother died, I have no one to get advice from.
Do you guys think that it was a good decision to not purse optometry and to try and become a therapist or psychologist instead?
Any other career paths that don’t require too much screentime or visual tasks?…