i took off my hijab, family is crazy
ok ik theres so many questions about this topic but i just dont know what to do
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
(edited 2 months ago)
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I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, as a Muslim myself this feels like more of a cultural issue than a religious issue. It feels as though there isn't much of a clear distinction between culture and religion in your home life, because you are correct about the fact that a hijab is optional and frankly I don't wear a hijab either. It feels as though your family are trying to preserve culture, because that's a piece of home for them - though it doesn't excuse their actions for being abusive to you not doing as they say and whilst I understand that you love your parents and family, the way they are going about this is both wrong and unislamic. I'd also like to mention that whether you wear a hijab or not isn't going to affect your beliefs or how much of a Muslim a person is and there is more to Islam than a piece of cloth. Whether you are muslim or not - any religion should never be forced.
For a situation like this your options are those you have already discussed, sometimes talking to someone whether its a teacher/ ChildLine / family member / friend it is always useful to get some advice and insight. It would also be worth talking to your mum about this or your siblings, because you shouldn't have to feel this way around your loved ones and perhaps talking to them more will help you feel better, if you do plan on going university in future it may also be worth moving out - so that you could have some time to yourself to really reflect on things. Your parents should be focussing on your wellbeing here as that is the most important thing. In regards to the aspect of feeling 'hidden' in a hijab, people who do wear hijabs often say that they find it; empowering, like dressing modestly, shows a dedication to faith or perhaps confidence an pride. It may even help you to perhaps style your hijab differently with different colours or accessories to express yourself and maybe research into it to establish some form of connection with wearing a hijab or even speak to a religious figure about your dilemma - though it's your choice at the end of the day and it's totally okay not to wear a hijab - it doesn't make you any less.
I hope this helps and I do wish you the best of luck with things. ❤️
For a situation like this your options are those you have already discussed, sometimes talking to someone whether its a teacher/ ChildLine / family member / friend it is always useful to get some advice and insight. It would also be worth talking to your mum about this or your siblings, because you shouldn't have to feel this way around your loved ones and perhaps talking to them more will help you feel better, if you do plan on going university in future it may also be worth moving out - so that you could have some time to yourself to really reflect on things. Your parents should be focussing on your wellbeing here as that is the most important thing. In regards to the aspect of feeling 'hidden' in a hijab, people who do wear hijabs often say that they find it; empowering, like dressing modestly, shows a dedication to faith or perhaps confidence an pride. It may even help you to perhaps style your hijab differently with different colours or accessories to express yourself and maybe research into it to establish some form of connection with wearing a hijab or even speak to a religious figure about your dilemma - though it's your choice at the end of the day and it's totally okay not to wear a hijab - it doesn't make you any less.
I hope this helps and I do wish you the best of luck with things. ❤️
would you mind if i PMed you
and please dont assume that as a niqabi i will rebuke you
i am also year 11, i understand you
and please dont assume that as a niqabi i will rebuke you
i am also year 11, i understand you
Original post by niqabiforever21
would you mind if i PMed you
and please dont assume that as a niqabi i will rebuke you
i am also year 11, i understand you
and please dont assume that as a niqabi i will rebuke you
i am also year 11, i understand you
There is so much pomp and ceremony around religion it's crazy. Same for Christianity and Judaism.
The pomp, ceremony and BS has nothing whatsoever to do with the core beliefs, and don't let anyone try to manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
The pomp, ceremony and BS has nothing whatsoever to do with the core beliefs, and don't let anyone try to manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
Original post by imhomo2017
ok ik theres so many questions about this topic but i just dont know what to do
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
so im not muslim , but im 15 so i cant tell my parents that cuz i would literally die and i have gcses coming up so i dont want that stress. plus no one in my family isnt muslim, if they are they have probably been kicked out and i have no idea of their existence.
i wore my hijab as i was going school but took it off midway, and my mum takes daily walks, so she saw me. i kind of knew she saw me and i was glad because it meant that i wouldnt be the one who would have to bring up the topic of taking off my hijab.
as of rn, my whole school, my second oldest brother and my mum only know about this. my cousin might, cause she goes to the school, but shes way worse than me (she vapes, has had many boyfriends etc) so i doubt she would tell anyone.
my mum and my second brother knowing about this isnt that worrying, cause theyre very gentle with me. however they are (especially my mum) threatening to tell my dad and my eldest brother. this is what i am afraid of.
my dad can get physical, but the worst part is that its not with me. he will blame it on my mum and even my brothers. so its like im going to have to watch them suffer from my problems. i dont want to upset him because i love him and he loves me, when i am ill he will tell me everything is fine and reassure me i will be okay. i fainted in public one time and he carried me and was very worried. almost everyday he walks all the way to the market just to buy my favourite fruits. he is a very good man he just has mental issues that scares me.
i dont actually know what my eldest brother would do. he is quite laid back in the sense that he has done things my family is not proud of (listening to innapropriate music and get a criminal offence for speeding, also vaped before but i dont think my parents know) and he was even telling me how i dont have to wear the hijab because in the quran it says that we have to follow the people of the country to not draw much attention, but hijab draws attention so i shouldnt have to wear it. he also said that he wouldnt be able to say that to our family bc all of my uncles on my dads side are crazy people.
my mum loves me and i know she is only doing this to protect me. if my 15 year old daughter asked to wear a bikini to school or something i would probably slap her into next week and ik taking of hijab and wearing bikini isnt the same thing but in their eyes it is. i will never be able to convince them, i am the only one who has problems with hijab and theres only like 4 girls in my family who dont wear hijab and theyre on my mums side so i dont even see them often.
solution obviously is to wear hijab. but i hate it. its not the way i look in it, its just the idea that i have to conceal myself in front of everyone. i hate that so much. i cant explain my true feelings because in their eyes i am still muslim. i want to die. i only took it off yesterday, i am not going school today cuz i got ill after crying all day. what do i do?
also pls dont say to call childline or tell my teachers or something. these english people are quick to assume my parents are abusive and they arent, they are just trying to protect me through their beliefs from back home (bangladesh), i know its bad they wont let me choose but i understand where they are coming from. i just hate it. i dont want to lie to them and take it off outside then put it on inside, i feel very guilty and i dont want to lie to people who love me.
i am scared they will treat me different. i used to be very shy in front of my family i have built up this relationship with them and i dont want to break it. i am really good at school (i only get 8s and 9s, i never got a detention in my whole school experience), this is the only time i have ever disobeyed them in my life.
One of the issues with some people is their pretence to be religious whilst living haram lives.
My personal opinion is for you to wear the hijab and live a good life. I think you are facing social pressure due to seeing your friends or people around you not wearing the hijab.
Original post by mathperson
There is so much pomp and ceremony around religion it's crazy. Same for Christianity and Judaism.
The pomp, ceremony and BS has nothing whatsoever to do with the core beliefs, and don't let anyone try to manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
The pomp, ceremony and BS has nothing whatsoever to do with the core beliefs, and don't let anyone try to manipulate you into thinking otherwise.
Original post by Wired_1800
I think you should be free to live your life and be true to yourself.
One of the issues with some people is their pretence to be religious whilst living haram lives.
My personal opinion is for you to wear the hijab and live a good life. I think you are facing social pressure due to seeing your friends or people around you not wearing the hijab.
One of the issues with some people is their pretence to be religious whilst living haram lives.
My personal opinion is for you to wear the hijab and live a good life. I think you are facing social pressure due to seeing your friends or people around you not wearing the hijab.
Original post by imhomo2017
i would like to agree with you but all of my friends wear the hijab, its got nothing to do with what people think of me or if i want to fit in
Original post by Wired_1800
That’s fair. It’s up to you but you should be honest with your family.
ive seen it happen, parents mentally abusing their children
i dont care what i have to do, i dont want them to hate me..
Before everything, I would recommend you to research Islam and understand the Quran little by little and then understand why Allah has asked Muslim women to cover themselves. Hijab or any religious obligation frankly, is supposed to be from the heart because no matter what, at the end of the day, the individual themselves are responsible for their actions, and not the people forcing them. Try and build a connection with Allah and see whether that changes your feelings towards Islam and the hijab. My prayers are with you
Original post by rastgele biri
Before everything, I would recommend you to research Islam and understand the Quran little by little and then understand why Allah has asked Muslim women to cover themselves. Hijab or any religious obligation frankly, is supposed to be from the heart because no matter what, at the end of the day, the individual themselves are responsible for their actions, and not the people forcing them. Try and build a connection with Allah and see whether that changes your feelings towards Islam and the hijab. My prayers are with you
If you don't mind, can I message you?
Original post by imhomo2017
ive tried so hard to build a connection with islam. i would be stupid to force myself to be disconnected with my families beliefs, because all i want is to feel like one of them. but all i feel is alone, because i cant ask my family for help or theyll just send me away
Original post by rastgele biri
If you don't mind, can I message you?
Original post by Wired_1800
wear the hijab
Original post by imhomo2017
ive tried so hard to build a connection with islam. i would be stupid to force myself to be disconnected with my families beliefs, because all i want is to feel like one of them. but all i feel is alone, because i cant ask my family for help or theyll just send me away
Id suggest communicating it in a confidential space, like with your GP. Unfortunately situations like this are so complex and difficult due to cultural norms.
Most of all it is important to be yourself, be able to practice what you believe (not something thats an expectation for you to believe) but it’s also important to recognise safe spaces. If you believe your dad and older brother would react negatively, or in a way that could harm you Id strongly encourage contacting a helpline or someone at school as the first reply suggested.
Original post by Autumn223
Thats not at all helpful here. You are hardly listening to the OP.
Original post by imhomo2017
i dont want them to hate me
ive seen it happen, parents mentally abusing their children
i dont care what i have to do, i dont want them to hate me..
ive seen it happen, parents mentally abusing their children
i dont care what i have to do, i dont want them to hate me..
If you feel you might be at risk speak to your teachers. No one should have to go through this without support. You live in a liberal country and have the right to express your beliefs.
Original post by Wired_1800
I think you should be free to live your life and be true to yourself.
One of the issues with some people is their pretence to be religious whilst living haram lives.
My personal opinion is for you to wear the hijab and live a good life. I think you are facing social pressure due to seeing your friends or people around you not wearing the hijab.
One of the issues with some people is their pretence to be religious whilst living haram lives.
My personal opinion is for you to wear the hijab and live a good life. I think you are facing social pressure due to seeing your friends or people around you not wearing the hijab.
Your solution to her dilemma around losing her faith and feeling suffocated by a cultural expectation that makes her feel uncomfortable and inauthentic is that she should ignore her feelings and carrying on wearing it otherwise she will not have a good life?
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